During our pregnancy with Noah we received a lot of gifts from friends and family around the country and such via UPS. It seemed like the driver was knocking on the door everyday for a bit. He knew we were expecting a little boy. So one day, he knew we were past the time of Noah’s birth so he asked me how life as a father was going. I hated that question, not so much because I thought it was wrong to ask, but because of the answer I had to give. I hate dropping that bomb on someone, especially since he had just learned he was having a baby on the way. when I told him you could see the true emotion on his face, he took it pretty hard. It was very heartfelt and I appreciated it. It took a lot to talk about it and keep my head up, but I did. I feel I need to be strong for others, I feel so bad when I have the power to make someone feel sad.
Well today was the first time I had seen him since then. He stopped out front and asked how we were doing and I said pretty good, and then I told him we have a little girl on the way. Then it hit me, he must have had his baby, so I asked him how he was doing. Right then I found the roles reversed, I was now in his shoes from a few months ago as he told me that he and his wife lost their baby. I was speechless for a second. I said I was so sorry but I know all too well how no words can help or express the feelings. I hate when there are more members added to the one of the worst clubs in the world, the club of parents who lose a child.
He proceeded to tell me that they were blessed with a little girl, Francis, who was not long for this world. She only lived four days :( A pit in my stomach loomed heavy and a lump grew in my throat, all those emotions from losing noah flooded back. I know somewhat what he was going through, but everyone is different and processes traumatic events differently, and every life is different.
I’d like to think our little Noah would have helped her transition into heaven. To be a guide, and a friend. I am sure she had many family members who passed before her that filled that role just fine. Besides I believe little Noah’s soul is back with us. Like many people told me when Noah passed, they always come back to you. I have to believe that because it is what gives me comfort through the hard times.
I would like to dedicate a lost sole to little baby Francis. I remembered a certain little girl’s shoe that I found a while back, Shoe #185. It was on a warm spring day, I imagine a little girl was running in the grass barefooted without a care in the world, just enjoying life. And in that bliss, she and her parents just lost track of her shoes and left one behind. The shoe just has a happy essence to it, and I know it will be hard to look at right now, but I hope someday the parents of baby Francis can look back on it and think of her fondly.
To the parents of Baby Francis:
Sharon and I are truly sorry for your loss and pray that you too can find peace and hope like we did. She will always be with you, and you have to be open to the little ways she will communicate with you, because she will. They always do :)