Whose fries were they?

Since the last flashback was so well received I have decided to write another. And partially due to the fact life has been pretty boring due to working so much that I have not had anything happen lately to write about. So in these dull times I am going to tap into the endless supply of old stories in my head so I have them written and don’t forget them as I get older. Plus maybe our unborn child will someday like to learn about his parent’s lives before he/she came to be.

Now this next story I am going to tell is a classic! After writing the “grab the rope story” I decided every week to write a different story about different friends. When i mentioned I was going to write this one about Skippy and Scooter, everyone I told knew it was going to be the legendary “french fry story” as it is a favorite of mine and others.

It was back in college at Ohio State that this story took place. We had just spent a crazy weekend at Ohio University where Sean was attending school and it was time to drive the two hours back to OSU. For reasons I cannot remember anymore, we only had one car for 7 of us to ride back in. Not a problem if you have a mini van or SUV, but we had a Datsun 280zx. And if you are not familar with those cars, it is a 2 seater sports car with a hatchback. So it was cramped to say the least.

It worked out through whatever system we devised at the time to decide who sat where that Scooter was in the front seat and Skippy was way in the back smashed against the hatch window. Shortly after taking off we decided to stop at McDonalds for food. And instead of unloading we went through the drive thru.

Gary, who was driving, placed all the orders and Scooter dished them all out. Everyone started getting their food passed to them until it was all divvied out. But someone got shorted an item. And who else but the person in the back to get shafted. Skippy calmly asked “Hey man where’s my fries?” And if anyone knows Skippy, they know he is not an even-tempered person. So when his question went unanswered he started to get a little mad. “Where’s my fries Scooter?” He asked again with a tone of anger in his voice.

This time Scooter told him there were no more fries in the bag. Skippy did not believe him and this time he was getting really upset, “Where’s my BEEPing fries!” (Sorry for the beeps, but I want to keep my stories PG rated and Skippy is not a PG rated personality :)

Now Scooter and Skippy have a history. Scooter has always taken great delight in getting Skippy riled up, whether it be scraping his sun-burnt skin with a comb, or pinching his arm while he drove, is was shear fun for all to see Skippy get irate. He would go from calm to off the charts mad in seconds. So here was a perfect chance for Scooter to stoke the flames of Skippy’s rage.

Scooter turned and looked back at Skippy with and answered “I don’t know Skip, you must not have ordered any” And he said this as he visibly was holding back a smile and putting french fries one by one into his mouth. Skippy was fuming at this and wriggling around as if to make his way to the front of the car to take the fries from Scooter. but it was to no avail, he was stuck. He bagan yelling obscenities. “Gimme my damn fries Scooter or I am going to kill you when I get out of this car!” Scooter just continued to look back and smile, popping in fry after fry.

We all joined in taunting him. “Skippy, don’t get so mad, those aren’t your fries” and statements like “just calm down.” Knowing full well this would only get Skippy more angry. We were all laughing now, Scooter could barely breathe he was laughing so hard and Skippy just was blowing his lid. Skippy was experiencing what people define as a ganiption!! I swear he was foaming at the mouth he was so mad.

But eventually Skippy became so furious inside he actually got a psychotic calmness to him and began plotting in his head what he was going to do when he finally got out of the car back at Columbus.

Once we arrived Skippy began again. “I’m going to kill you Scooter” he yelled. But we already had a plan to let Scooter go free and back to the dorm to lock the door. He got out and gave some last minute taunts to Skippy, who was still trapped in the car. Skippy pounded at the glass hatch in the back, trying to break it so he could get free to go after Scooter, but being so tightly squashed in he could not get any kind of strength. He was like a rabid dog trying to get out. But it was not going to do any good as Scooter trotted off laughing to the dorm.

Eventually we let Skippy out and he was fuming. He did not go after Scooter but just walked home and I am sure he was calculating his revenge. How maybe one day while Scooter was sleeping he would exact his wrath. I am sure he did something to get Scooter back, I just don’t remember what it was. But i do know that it must not have been enough because every time we bring up this story, Skippy’s face gets red and he starts to feel that anger he felt that day again. No one really knows whose fries those were that Scooter was eating, but Skippy, still to this day is sure they were his!